This is so true! Regardless of what training and expertise anyone else has, I am always the expert on myself, my life, my body, my mind, and my spirit. It's even to the point that my doctors understand this about me and defer to my judgement, which I appreciate because then it gets to feel like a collaboration between equals where we are each bringing our expertise, rather than an authority figure making suggestions that are unrelated to what I actually need as an individual.
Wow Ngozi, I admire you! Thank you for sharing your state of self-awareness and how does it look like in your life. This is exactly what I was trying to write about.
I would love to know how to create such relationships with doctors as well.
And thank you for your ongoing presence and support around here. 🩵
Thank you for your sweet response Selene 💛 Honestly, I experienced a lot of horrible doctors well into my 30s. More than anything, I think I got really lucky with the doctors I currently have. Their approach to medical care comes from a deeply collaborative place and they appreciate how attuned I am to my body rather than feeling threatened by it. In a way, my experiences with them created a new standard within me, and now when I encounter medical professionals with an approach that doesn't feel immediately honoring of my lived experience, I'm quick to replace them. I think it's a natural outcropping of learning to trust my intuition and choosing to give myself the benefit of the doubt rather than giving it to others.
Those are really inspiring and healthy relationships with doctors.
I’ll keep you in mind when I have to approach the next one. (My latest encounter with a dermatologist a few weeks ago was a bit of a disaster, again)
I only know this kind of balanced relationship with holistic practitioners, a nutritionist, or a trainer. And it makes all the difference in the world to actually feel safe enough to express my own perspective on the issue, based on my own life experience, whether it is physical or mental and then create a healing process around my needs, with the help of their expertise.
On the other hand, I only feel fear and frustration when a person who sees me for the first time gives me orders that don’t make sense to me.
Hey Selene, I've been thinking about your words for the past few days and I think you touched on something really, really important: when we interact with nutritionists and trainers, we are seeing them as people/businesses we're paying to provide a service. They aren't authority figures in the same way that doctors are. They're part of the medical system, but in a way are operating outside of it, for the simple fact that insurance doesn't cover the cost. That gives them more flexibility in their approach for sure, but I can't help but to wonder what our relationships with doctors would look like if we viewed them as someone we're paying (yes, through insurance, but paying nonetheless) to provide a service, and as such, people we're willing to walk away from if their service doesn't meet our needs or expectations.
That won't change the fact that there are a lot of people out there who think that their way is best, especially when encountering a sensitive woman with chronic health concerns, but if we know within ourselves that we won't be returning to see those people ever again, it can help us to stay rooted in our own power to choose, even in situations that are less than ideal.
I hope your next doctor's visits go well and that you find doctors that make you feel safe, seen, and supported in meeting your goals. You deserve all of that and so much more 💛
Ngozi, thank you for your wishes. And the fact that you were still thinking about my words a few days later honestly stopped me in my tracks. 🩵
You are right, the relationship is built differently when you know you are paying for a service, more or less directly, and that you can treat it like any other service: ask questions, leave feedback, walk away, look for a second opinion.
Of course, that does not necessarily change how a specialist treats you. But it can change how you enter the room.
I approached my second dermatologist differently. I knew what I wanted to find out, I knew her view was not the ultimate truth, and I knew I was still the one on my own healing path. She could help me on that path, but she was not there to take it over.
The appointment was not ideal, but I felt much better in myself. I was stronger in my position, asked questions, and did not feel like the smaller person in the room.
And the funny part? She was not covered by my insurance. 😀
And your experience still gives me hope that it is possible to build safe, balanced relationships with doctors too, where their expertise has its place without taking away my own authority over my body and life.
Reading this made me feel so happy for you! 💛 Thank you for taking the time to share so much of your thoughts, your feelings, and yourself with me! I especially loved what you said about the appointment being less than ideal, and yet not feeling like the smaller person in the room. I love that so much! Our conversation gave me so much to think about in regards to my own relationships with "authority figures" and it was so lovely to talk through it with you 🥰
Very accurate, Selene. I've found much the same on so many different topics. Education, career, motherhood, health...as you said. Everyone has an opinion. Even medicine and science changes regularly. It's difficult to know what's actually right and true. Which is why it's so important for us to know ourselves, what works and what doesn't, and then experiment with certain things from there. Life seems to be a series of 'trial and error' moments and sometimes someone else's advice just isn't what we need. 🩷
This is so true! Regardless of what training and expertise anyone else has, I am always the expert on myself, my life, my body, my mind, and my spirit. It's even to the point that my doctors understand this about me and defer to my judgement, which I appreciate because then it gets to feel like a collaboration between equals where we are each bringing our expertise, rather than an authority figure making suggestions that are unrelated to what I actually need as an individual.
Wow Ngozi, I admire you! Thank you for sharing your state of self-awareness and how does it look like in your life. This is exactly what I was trying to write about.
I would love to know how to create such relationships with doctors as well.
And thank you for your ongoing presence and support around here. 🩵
Thank you for your sweet response Selene 💛 Honestly, I experienced a lot of horrible doctors well into my 30s. More than anything, I think I got really lucky with the doctors I currently have. Their approach to medical care comes from a deeply collaborative place and they appreciate how attuned I am to my body rather than feeling threatened by it. In a way, my experiences with them created a new standard within me, and now when I encounter medical professionals with an approach that doesn't feel immediately honoring of my lived experience, I'm quick to replace them. I think it's a natural outcropping of learning to trust my intuition and choosing to give myself the benefit of the doubt rather than giving it to others.
Those are really inspiring and healthy relationships with doctors.
I’ll keep you in mind when I have to approach the next one. (My latest encounter with a dermatologist a few weeks ago was a bit of a disaster, again)
I only know this kind of balanced relationship with holistic practitioners, a nutritionist, or a trainer. And it makes all the difference in the world to actually feel safe enough to express my own perspective on the issue, based on my own life experience, whether it is physical or mental and then create a healing process around my needs, with the help of their expertise.
On the other hand, I only feel fear and frustration when a person who sees me for the first time gives me orders that don’t make sense to me.
Hey Selene, I've been thinking about your words for the past few days and I think you touched on something really, really important: when we interact with nutritionists and trainers, we are seeing them as people/businesses we're paying to provide a service. They aren't authority figures in the same way that doctors are. They're part of the medical system, but in a way are operating outside of it, for the simple fact that insurance doesn't cover the cost. That gives them more flexibility in their approach for sure, but I can't help but to wonder what our relationships with doctors would look like if we viewed them as someone we're paying (yes, through insurance, but paying nonetheless) to provide a service, and as such, people we're willing to walk away from if their service doesn't meet our needs or expectations.
That won't change the fact that there are a lot of people out there who think that their way is best, especially when encountering a sensitive woman with chronic health concerns, but if we know within ourselves that we won't be returning to see those people ever again, it can help us to stay rooted in our own power to choose, even in situations that are less than ideal.
I hope your next doctor's visits go well and that you find doctors that make you feel safe, seen, and supported in meeting your goals. You deserve all of that and so much more 💛
Ngozi, thank you for your wishes. And the fact that you were still thinking about my words a few days later honestly stopped me in my tracks. 🩵
You are right, the relationship is built differently when you know you are paying for a service, more or less directly, and that you can treat it like any other service: ask questions, leave feedback, walk away, look for a second opinion.
Of course, that does not necessarily change how a specialist treats you. But it can change how you enter the room.
I approached my second dermatologist differently. I knew what I wanted to find out, I knew her view was not the ultimate truth, and I knew I was still the one on my own healing path. She could help me on that path, but she was not there to take it over.
The appointment was not ideal, but I felt much better in myself. I was stronger in my position, asked questions, and did not feel like the smaller person in the room.
And the funny part? She was not covered by my insurance. 😀
And your experience still gives me hope that it is possible to build safe, balanced relationships with doctors too, where their expertise has its place without taking away my own authority over my body and life.
Reading this made me feel so happy for you! 💛 Thank you for taking the time to share so much of your thoughts, your feelings, and yourself with me! I especially loved what you said about the appointment being less than ideal, and yet not feeling like the smaller person in the room. I love that so much! Our conversation gave me so much to think about in regards to my own relationships with "authority figures" and it was so lovely to talk through it with you 🥰
Very accurate, Selene. I've found much the same on so many different topics. Education, career, motherhood, health...as you said. Everyone has an opinion. Even medicine and science changes regularly. It's difficult to know what's actually right and true. Which is why it's so important for us to know ourselves, what works and what doesn't, and then experiment with certain things from there. Life seems to be a series of 'trial and error' moments and sometimes someone else's advice just isn't what we need. 🩷
Thank you, Lisa, for your warm comment. 🩵
I can only agree with you.
Knowing yourself and critical thinking are our basics.