Supporting Natural Growth: A Path Toward Independence

What if the secret to nurturing independence wasn’t about stepping back, but staying close?

Embracing New Beginnings with Mindful Parenting

In the first part of this story: Contact Parenting: Supporting Your Child Through New Experiences, I mentioned my daughter’s long and emotional adaptation process and how I navigated through it. As we entered new phases of activities, the growth we had cultivated together continued to shape her development.

The Third Activity: Building Confidence and Emotional Resilience Together

As my daughter’s confidence grew, we joined our third long-term activity group—this time focused on guided physical activities. She was freshly two years old. Yet again, the pattern repeated. At first, my daughter cried and hesitated to engage with the new guide and unfamiliar environment. She preferred to watch the activities from a distance, taking her time to assess whether they were safe and whether she wanted to participate. Gradually, she grew more comfortable and began to join in.

This activity was designed for both parents and children, and as we continued, we seamlessly transitioned to a higher level for older children (we are talking three years old), where parents were expected to step back. My daughter, by this point, was able to communicate her needs more clearly. She looked forward to seeing the guide, enjoyed being with the other children, and movement felt natural to her. I never pushed her towards independence, and thankfully, the guide was equally comfortable with my presence.

For the first several sessions, I was the only parent still sitting on the floor, ready to be there for my daughter if she needed me. Sometimes, she would stay close, observing the activities; other times, she ventured off and engaged with the others. Interestingly, while other children periodically left the group to check on their parents in the nearby kitchen, my daughter remained focused on the activities. Over time, I found that I had become an inspiration to other parents, encouraging them to stay close by for their own children.

I had an agreement with my daughter: when she was ready to be on her own, she would tell me, and I would step out of the room. Eventually, I only got as far as the restroom and back. Even in a familiar space with known people, she wasn’t quite ready to be without me for long. Despite wanting to try being on her own, she would cry if I left. So, we finished this group with me by her side, in a way that felt right for both of us.

While some parents might have expected their children to be more independent at this stage, I knew better. My priority was my daughter’s individual development—nurturing her needs, allowing her to explore the world from a place of security.

Independence blossoms when children feel secure and understood.

The Final Adaptation: Embracing Freedom

At the same time, in age of 3, my daughter and I began attending a new music and dance activity. This time, our routine had become much smoother. Her adaptation to this group was quicker, and she became fond of the guide almost immediately. This was a marked difference from earlier experiences.

While she still preferred to observe new activities from a distance at first, she gradually warmed up to them. She thrived in the games, dance routines, and musical activities, all while continuing to enjoy the freedom of moving at her own pace. There were still some things she disliked, such as storytelling segments, which she avoided or sitting on the instructor’s lap. I didn’t push her to participate in these parts, trusting her instincts and preferences.

Children flourish when they’re given the space to explore on their own terms.

The baby bird takes her first brave flight, while her mother watches from the branch. Generated with DALL·E.

One day, during a session, when she was almost four years old, she turned to me and said, “Alone!” For the first time, she wanted to join in without me by her side. This was the same child who once needed me close for every activity, and now, she was stepping out on her own. I was the only parent sitting off to the side, while the others participated with their children. Even the instructor remarked on how much progress she had made. Her journey toward independence had taken its time, but it had happened in the most natural and fulfilling way.

Letting Go and Trusting Growth

In this moment of newfound independence, I understood just how powerful our journey had been for both of us. This is the heart of More Than Enough—we are enough as we are, and our children are, too. The journey is about nurturing growth and empowering change, not through force, but through connection and respect.

When we let go of expectations and trust the process, we create space for incredible transformations.

Everything has its time, and a child’s development is an individual process that can’t be rushed or achieved through pressure. While each child follows their own path toward independence, the common thread that unites us as parents is our ability to provide steady, loving support. Whether your child takes leaps into new experiences or prefers to progress step by step, the principles of nurturing growth through understanding and patience can be adapted to fit your unique journey. By creating a safe space and allowing them to grow at their own pace, children find joy in their activities, learn quickly, and thrive naturally.

The transition from being the only mother whose child clung to her to the only one sitting outside the group was enormous. It took several years. During that time, I learned a lot about my daughter, myself, and the importance of never forcing separation. As we continue attending this activity, I see how natural it is for even five-year-olds to want their parents involved. While some children seem comfortable participating independently, they still tend to glance over to ensure their parents are nearby.

Research shows that it’s completely natural for children to need continuous contact with their parents well beyond the age our society typically expects. Developmental experts like Darcia Narvaez and Gordon Neufeld emphasize the importance of maintaining close, responsive relationships to foster secure attachment and emotional resilience in children. Unfortunately, our standard institutions are often based on economic needs rather than on a deep understanding of child development. For this reason, I’ll continue to seek environments where the person, not the process, is prioritized.

Do you feel the same, or has your experience with your child’s independence been different?

If you are familiar with my writing, or if you’re here for the first time, please feel welcome. I’ve been cooking something special behind the scenes for a long time, and I’ll gladly share it with you in the coming weeks. A space for true healing for highly sensitive souls has been created.